


An Eventual First Date

by mansikka



Series: Filling In The Gaps [14]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 14:55:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14138403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: Filler-y stuff for Iron Sisters





	An Eventual First Date

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :) okay, so this might be the beginning of me, uh, tweaking with the show's timescale a little

Magnus keeps himself busy stock taking all the ingredients in his apartment, not even sure if Alec will come. Since that incident with Iris Rouse and the funeral for Jocelyn and the other Shadowhunters, Alec has barely spoken to him at all.

Perhaps, Magnus thinks, absently depositing a glass jar on a bookshelf instead of where it's intended, he shouldn't have been quite so obviously horrified to hear what Alec had supported Clary doing. Magnus knows it was done out of desperation, wanting to fix a wrong that was never Alec's fault, but the magic needed for such a thing is so dangerous, that he hadn't been able to hold back his disapproval when Alec had called to tell him about it.

There have been a few messages since the funeral where things have been easier between them, and Alec even showed up again at his apartment after it for a brief hug lasting all of a few seconds, before mumbling about needing to get back to work. But Magnus feels like he needs to reach out to Alec, now, before he gets lost in himself, and before it puts any sort of distance between them when everything is still so new, and careful between them.

Magnus keeps talking to himself, repeating his reasoning, trying to fight how guilty he feels for attempting to _trick_ Alec into coming, but he knows if he doesn't do something Alec's going to bury himself in duty and work. He already cares too much to let that happen, and is too selfish not to want some time with Alec on his own. So when Alec arrives Magnus is a little off guard; continuing, sort of, with his list of ingredients, so Alec can't see how nervous he is. But he has to be honest.

"I'm sorry about the emergency call, but it was the only way to get your attention."

Magnus braces for a reprimand, but is relieved to just get a short nod.

"Well, since you're okay, I should probably get back," Alec replies, though it comes out a little doubtful.

"I'm not okay… because you're not okay," Magnus blurts out as Alec turns away, noting he's doing it with reluctance like he's wishing for a reason to stay. And the knowledge that Alec has rushed here to him because he thought he was in trouble makes Magnus' heart flutter even when he tries to calm it.

But he knows he needs to find the right words to reach Alec, and walks closer so that he can see his face as he talks.

"Alexander… you've been to hell and back. And you haven't stopped for a second, taken a moment for yourself."

He has, Magnus reminds himself, but that was barely an hour right here in this very apartment, eating what was probably Alec's first meal of the day after the demon attack on Jocelyn.

"Magnus, we're in the middle of a war," Alec replies, though his eyes flit repeatedly over him as though he's searching for something to anchor to, or to guide him.

"There will always be a war. A mission. A… a problem to solve," Magnus retorts, and he's still not sure he's reaching him. "Look, I speak from experience. If you fail to grant time for the things you care about, you'll forget why you're even fighting at all."

Magnus holds his breath as Alec stares back at him, bracing for him to tell him to back off. Maybe it's too soon and too much with everything that's happening, but Magnus feels like he had to try; even if Alec now says he isn't ready. But to his surprise Alec nods, pausing only for a second before speaking.

"What do you have in mind?"

"A date?" Magnus blurts out, struck again by nerves, though for entirely different reasons. That Alec's so open to suggestion when he'd been expecting anything but leaves him stumbling, and the thought of finally having an actual date with Alec puts flutters in his stomach.

"I—"

"Nothing too far from here," Magnus adds with his hand out to stop a flat out no. "I know you want to be near the Institute; perhaps we could just… go for that drink you suggested."

Alec sighs out hard, staring back without even blinking, and Magnus is about to back down, to say it's okay, and that they can do it another time, when Alec is smiling back hesitantly and agreeing to it. "Where do you wanna go?"

* * *

The Hunter's Moon seemed like a good choice as he'd suggested it, but now they're at the bar and Alec's trying not to pull a face at the taste of his beer, Magnus wonders if this is the worst kind of location. He'd thought the noise of multiple other conversations plus background music would do enough to put them both at ease. That he's _nervous_ about this and having to disguise those nerves is surprising, adding to the worry he has that this is somewhere Alec doesn't want to be at all.

Alec's comment about not being much of a drinker hits Magnus on delay, leaving him wanting to groan out loud for not remembering Alec seemed surprised by the drinks he's had at his apartment.

"There's nothing wrong with not particularly liking drinking," Magnus says, curious for the first time about what growing up in the Institute must have been like for Alec. He can't imagine Maryse allowing him to indulge in much of anything  _fun_ , or  _frivolous_ at any point in his life, so perhaps alcohol isn't something that crossed his lips until recently or even just on rare occasions. He wants to ask, but stores up the questions forming for later conversations, wanting this evening to be light and easy for both of them.

"I know," Alec smiles, and it's tinged with nerves, "I like drinking with _you_ though."

Magnus smiles back at that. "As do I."

"I should've… I should've stayed for waffles at yours that time you invited me," Alec says then with his cheeks hit with just a tinge of blush.

"Oh?"

"I was so hungry, and my head hurt so bad. But I couldn't let anyone know about it—"

"You can't heal a hangover?" Magnus asks, even more curious, because surely the rune for general healing would do that.

"Wasn't working," Alec says with a shake of his head, taking another sip of his beer and grimacing for it.

"I'm sorry, Alec. Had I known—"

"I basically ran out on you," Alec says with a rueful laugh, "so it's… I dealt with it."

"How?"

"I remembered someone telling me about breakfast food being good for hangovers. I found a place."

"Was it good?"

"Disgusting," Alec laughs, his eyes crinkling up in a way that Magnus can't snatch his eyes away from, "I loved it."

Magnus throws his head back with laughter and feels slightly more at ease.

"You, uh… you know how to play?" Alec says then, gesturing at the table that looks as though it's just come free.

"Of course," Magnus replies, adjusting the image he's created of Alec's childhood yet again, wondering when and where he might have learned to play pool.

Alec nods and tilts his head for Magnus to follow, and they spend a few minutes setting up their table and cues. And then Alec approaches the game as though it's a puzzle to solve. He starts talking about line of sight and strategies, and then compares the game to archery. And though Magnus is happy just to hear him talking freely, it all seems a little formal. Though when Alec deliberately misses a shot, perhaps fearing he's upset him, it gives Magnus the chance to try to turn the conversation a little.

Alec's face is a picture. "Wait. Did you do your… thing?"

Alec's impression of him performing magic is adorable, but Magnus forces himself not to smile too much. "Haven't you heard the saying?" he says instead before he lines up his shot. "If you can't find the one being hustled in the pool hall… then it's probably you."

The look Alec gives him then is surprised, amused, and… something else. Magnus smiles back, and thinks the game is now on.

* * *

The game is very definitely on. Alec is just as ruthless as he is, and they get through another couple of games filled with laughter and challenge enough to allow Magnus to truly relax.

"I suppose we both have a healthy dose of the competitive spirit," Magnus says once he's lined up some music on the jukebox, and Alec perches on the end of the table taking a break.

"I grew up with Jace," Alec replies, "I didn't have much of a choice.

"Some people can't be around that energy. I, in turn, find it invigorating, as I'm sure your exes did as well."

It was meant to come out as a compliment for the way Alec's just beat him at pool, even an attempt to show something they have in common. But Magnus can't really tell how it's come across for the slight pause Alec gives before speaking.

"Lydia never complained," Alec replies, and yes, Magnus thinks, he can imagine Lydia being fairly competitive herself. Although—

"I thought you knew Lydia for a millisecond before your arranged marriage?"

The startled, cautious, closed off look on Alec's face makes Magnus' stomach knot uncomfortably, and that Alec shrugs and then starts avoiding eye contact sets off even further alarms for him. They, in turn, begin a whirl of thoughts for Magnus. He's already aware that Alec's generally been letting him guide them on this growing thing between them, putting it down to the newness of Alec doing something for himself for once; perhaps even Alec hesitating because he is a _Downworlder_. And, now that Magnus thinks about it, there is an element of uncertainty whenever Alec reaches for him, as though he's either unsure if his touch is welcome, or even perhaps that he's not sure what to do.

Shadowhunters are supposed to live fairly straightforward lives dedicated to their calling, Magnus knows that, though he also knows so many of them are about more than just following the rules. And he's assumed from the openness of both Izzy and Jace that even if Alec has been… closeted about certain aspects of his life, that he'd have had at least the same sort of experiences as them.

But Alec has always been about duty, been the most concerned of all of them when _not_ following rules. He even _stands_ as though he's a soldier never at ease for all the responsibilities weighing him down. As though he has known no other life than duty, work, and commitment to the Clave and its laws. A solitary life, not shared with anyone else.

Oh.

"Wait," Magnus says, his heart beginning to pound in realization, "Lydia… Is she your only ex?"

She's not even really an _ex_ , Magnus thinks faintly, knowing there was nothing between them other than that shared sense of duty.

"I just haven't had, uh… you know, time for a real relationship," Alec says, his eyes darting to Magnus, then away, and back again, before he turns more towards the bar.

Magnus feels a little dazed as he watches him.

"You know," Alec says, grabbing his glass and taking a gulp, "this is… this is good."

Magnus watches the grimace on his face and tries to think of what he's supposed to say, or do now.

"Alexander… just so I'm clear… have you ever been in a relationship?"

Alec pauses, turns a little, opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. Magnus turns back to the bar himself feeling a little lost, gulping back his drink already planning on ordering another. Perhaps something stronger this time.

"You're weirded out," Alec says after finally sitting down, nervously playing with the stem of his glass. He's been hovering throughout all of this awkward conversation, and that's added to Magnus' sense of being on edge. 

"Mmm," he says still drinking, because he needs a little more stalling time. "Who says I'm weirded out?"

 _Everything you're doing_ , Magnus chides himself, and the awkward silence between them just keeps on growing.

"You wanna know why I haven't been in a relationship?" Alec says then. "Because of this."

Magnus turns a little, watching the way Alec is gesturing between them, and is hit by a wall of guilt.

'Cos… I didn't wanna feel like there was something wrong with me… because I grew up in the Institute, because… I always knew I couldn't have what I wanted… until you came along."

Alec's words were already starting to break through the shock that Magnus is feeling for this… revelation. But his final sentence is the thing that stops Magnus' thoughts from spiraling off track. He wants Alec, and he _likes_ Alec, and whatever there has or hasn't been in their pasts doesn't change that. He just needs to be aware of it, is all.

"Nothing's wrong with you," Magnus says, adding a, "far from it," when Alec raises an eyebrow that says, _yeah, sure_. "But you're so… innocent."

"In some ways, but… I don't want you to treat me any different."

He  _hasn't_ been treating Alec any different, Magnus realizes, and maybe that's been a problem. He's kissed him, hugged him, and though the only touch there's been between them has been, well,  _innocent_ , if Alec's not experienced any of this before, has all they've already shared already been too much? Then Magnus reminds himself of how many of those things Alec has been the one to initiate, and tells himself to stop worrying, to just be more aware of how new this is to Alec in the future.

"But you are different," Magnus replies, softening even more for the look on Alec's face. "And it's a good thing."

Alec still won't look at him, and his hands continue to flit about nervously. 

"What about you?" he says. "I mean, you must have had plenty of exes."

That shock at Alec's lack of experience turns on its head for Magnus, and suddenly he's the one that's hesitant and holding back.

"What do you mean?" Magnus says, going to drain the very last sip of his drink.

"You know what I mean."

Magnus does know what he means. And though he has absolutely nothing in his relationship history that he feels any shame for, all of those _somebodies_ stacked up against all of Alec's _nobodies_ suddenly seems like a big deal.

"Alexander, look, I've lived for centuries. I've been with men, women, Seelies, warlocks, vampires… a djinn or two."

"How many?" Alec asks, his face becoming set into something Magnus doesn't want to try to identify.

Magnus freezes again, the answer to that question getting stuck. "How many?"

"It's not a trick question," Alec says, briefly turning to look at Magnus, though Magnus won't turn his head as he's looking, looks only when he knows Alec's already looking away. "You can round down if you want."

"Okay," Magnus agrees, "if you wanna know, I'll tell you."

But he doesn't. He pauses, and has to look at Alec again. And then he has to get it out. "Seventeen…"

Alec turns in surprise, and it stops Magnus from continuing.

"Seventeen," Alec says, and oh, Magnus thinks, he sounds _pleased_. "That's… that's…"

Magnus can't let him think that when it's so very far from the truth, and he wants to be honest with him, even for how difficult that honesty is going to be to hear.

Realization begins to creep into Alec's face before they stop looking at each other. "Seventeen… hundred?"

Magnus doesn't move, but his face must be giving him away.

"Seventeen _thousand_?" Alec says, incredulous.

"It was all in the past," Magnus replies with nervous laughter. "Ancient history."

Alec still looks startled, or maybe even horrified; Magnus can't tell.

"But right now I'm here. With you."

"Yeah, me and… seventeen thousand other memories," Alec says, and perhaps that's all he thinks he'll be to him. But Magnus really doesn't know how to claw this conversation back.

"Look," Magnus says, searching for the right thing to say, "I am who I am. And you are who you are. And all the magic in the world can't change that. So… let's just try to make the best of it."

The words feel empty coming out of his mouth, as empty as they are apparently for Alec hearing them. He sighs hard, and looks back at Magnus with an awkward smile.

"Sure."

Magnus is filled with disappointment thinking he can already see how this is going to pan out.

* * *

"For a guy so used to portals, I have to admit, nothing beats a late night stroll through the city."

Magnus is half-surprised Alec is even still with him, thinking he would have made an excuse before now for why he had to go.

"Yeah," Alec agrees, "gives you time to think."

Magnus knows what that means. Alec is just being polite by accompanying him here. And he should leave it at that, but he can't.

"You must have thought a lot," Magnus says, keeping himself busy for the inevitable conversation. "You barely said a word the whole way home."

Magnus fixes himself a drink, giving Alec time to put his words together. He'd offer Alec one as well, but aside from Alec apparently being  _new_ drinking along with everything else, Magnus doesn't think he'll be in his apartment for much longer.

"Magnus…"

Here it comes, Magnus thinks, telling himself not to get upset. This is essentially over before things really got started, so it's better to cut his losses before he gets in any deeper than he already is.

"Do you think… maybe we're too…"

"Different?" Magnus suggests, wanting to help him along, and get this over with.

"Yeah," Alec says, and there's an awful lot of sighing Magnus can hear him doing. He forces himself to turn around.

"We're from totally different worlds."

"Different… centuries."

Alec looks so disappointed, and Magnus' attempts to tell himself to be dismissive of this ending already fall short for how much he _wants_ things to work with Alec. But he won't try to force him if this is not what he wants, if this is not something he's _ready_ for.

"Look, I… I should go," Alec says, not quite making eye contact as he gestures towards the door.

It's as he's leaving Magnus thinks of about a hundred things to say, but not one of them feel fair to Alec. He decides to wait for him to leave before thinking about it too much, but he's heartbroken for it; even if _they_ have not been all that long. Alec's lack of experience was a shock, but it's not like he would rush Alec into anything he wasn't ready for. And it isn't as though that lack of experience has left them with nothing to share together, or talk about; the conversations they've had since first meeting have been intriguing, interesting ones that show for Alec's youth he's got a lot of ideas, and knowledge, and things he wants to explore.

Perhaps when the ache of this evening has ended, they can consider being friends. Magnus thinks he could try for that even if he wants so much more than a friendship with Alec. It's the only consolation he might get from all of this though, Magnus thinks, half-tempted to crawl into bed and forget the world for a few hours. Or days.

Magnus waits, listening for the door to close behind him so he can have some time to mourn for what he's just lost. But he hears a heavy sigh, and wonders if Alec has some final words for him that means he won't even want his friendship.

"Look. I don't care how many people you've been with," Alec says as he walks towards him, shaking his head a little as though he's trying to emphasize his point.

"I don't care how many people you haven't been with," Magnus replies, and he doesn't, he really doesn't. He's been thinking about it on the long, silent walk home. None of that matters; all he wants is  _Alec_.

Alec stares back at him as though he's either looking for guidance, or working himself up for something. And Magnus, not knowing how this is going to go, does nothing but hold his breath. Alec steps closer, ducks a little and kisses him with a soft sigh of relief, and though it's one of a few recent kisses there's something more to it than any other they've shared; there's promise there, and hope perhaps.

Magnus reaches out instinctively, gently holding on to his waist, even as Alec pulls back to look at him, one hand wrapped around his upper arm.

"I hear that relationships, they, um… take effort," Alec says. 

"I'm all for effort," Magnus replies, and it's true; though any effort for Alec right now doesn't feel like it would be any effort at all. Alec smiles and nods back, and Magnus is fairly sure he's going to lean in and kiss him again. But then his door is flying open, and Magnus has seconds to chide whoever keeps leaving the door open downstairs before he registers it's Jace that's intruding, looking for a place to stay.

* * *

"Magnus; thank you."

They've stepped out on to the balcony for a little privacy as Jace gets settled in one of his spare rooms, and the second Magnus has closed the door behind him Alec is pulling him into his arms.

"For?"

"Jace?" Alec says with a soft laugh, swaying him a little. "I know it's… thank you, so much, for letting him stay here."

Magnus wants to retort that he thinks Jace has got a nerve even asking, sure he must have other places he could go. He's also sure Jace chose _him_ for the honor of providing rent-free accommodation for an indefinite period because of _Alec_. Though it's not as though he doesn't have the room, and besides, from everything Jace has been saying over the last hour, he's not planning on getting in their way, or even being home all that often. And he too has been through something of an ordeal of late, Magnus reminds himself, wanting to feel kinder about Alec's parabatai than he currently does.

"He has you to thank for that," Magnus replies, needing to be honest.

"What do you mean?"

"Well," Magnus says with a sigh, "not that I willingly turn anyone away who needs my help if I  _can_ help them, but if I had to have any Shadowhunter staying in my home, obviously, it would be _you_."

"Is that… an invitation?" Alec stutters back at him wide-eyed, his mouth curving up into a smile.

"It is—for another time. I can't imagine you'll feel all that comfortable being here with Jace. Not… well. Perhaps you _would_ , but—"

"It's kind of weird having your brother around, when you're thinking about doing… other things," Alec finishes for him, raising his hands up to cup his face.

"Such as?"

"Magnus," Alec whispers before he leans in to kiss him, sighing as Magnus wraps his arms tighter around his waist. This kiss feels different again to the one they shared just a short time earlier. There is less hesitance, more exploration, and a sense that they're slotting together to map one another out.

When they pull apart Alec hooks his elbows over Magnus' shoulders with the biggest of smiles on his face. "That's what I wanted earlier."

"Thank you, Jace, for interrupting us," Magnus grumbles, and Alec laughs softly, leaning in for another soft kiss.

"I'm sorry—"

"Don't be. I'll get used to it."

"If he starts… if he's messy, or starts taking advantage—"

"Alexander," Magnus smiles, perhaps feeling a little smug for the idea of Alec wanting to _protect_ him from Jace's potentially slovenly ways. "I am sure I can handle Jace."

"But still," Alec says, kissing him again, "I sort of feel responsible."

"You should," Magnus teases, "you are the only reason I'm letting him stay here."

Alec looks ridiculously pleased at the idea of that, but as he ducks to kiss him yet again they hear Jace calling out to them from inside the apartment, interrupting them once more.

Frustration hits Magnus hard, causing him to flare up magic to lock the balcony door and close the curtains, though still turns Alec away from where Jace might still be able to see their silhouette, and presses him back against a wall.

Alec's eyes dance for it, and Magnus takes that as invitation to lean a little more firmly, angling up for another kiss.

"Can I take you somewhere?" he whispers against Alec's lips. "Tomorrow, maybe?"

"I'll make sure I'm free," Alec replies, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of Magnus' neck. "Where are we going?"

"I haven't decided yet. How do you feel about surprises?"

"I think if it's a surprise involving _you_ , I'll love it," Alec replies, leaning in to kiss him again.

And to think a little earlier, he'd feared this evening would be his last with Alec. Magnus is still smiling when he's opening a portal for Alec to go back to the Institute, holding on to his fingers for a little longer than necessary before letting go.


End file.
